Wednesday, July 29, 2009

emotional baggage from NY

My friend from New York arrived last week for a 2-week vacation but instead of having all the time of his life here, he brought along emotional baggage after he broke up with his partner.

And supportive I am, (since we know we have this mutual feeling before but we’re not able to push it through because of some reasons) I seriously gave him pieces of advice just for him to fully recover from the heartbreak. I know him very well and he don’t deserve this kind of relationship full of pretentions, misunderstandings and betrayals. I know how he genuinely love, how he strongly admits his fault and how he considers and respects ideas. Upon hearing his sentiments, I really felt he’ll be having hard time to cope-up with a lot of changes now…lalo na kung ang mga pagbabagong ito ay manggagaling sa mga bagay na nakasanayan mo na.

And it saddens me that we haven’t got the chance to go outside, to finally see each other after almost a year. He invited me for a dinner couple of times dahil sinabi niya na kelangan niya akong makita but I refuse time after time…because of some fears. He knows my situation. I am just hoping that all my advices will be enough kahit na hindi ko ‘to nasambit sa kanya ng personal. I felt bad that this time, when he badly needs someone who could really go with him and help him through this struggle, I was not there.

Four days left and he’ll be going back to NY. I just hope that when he’s already there, he’ll realize this: though your relationship abruptly ended, you should still be happy considering the fact that you already found one true love. I think what’s important here is the experience to genuinely love and be loved back even if it's just for a moment).

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

dangled catch

Nakilala kita through chat and we had several talks… We exchanged numbers and started texting each other. At times, tinatawagan kita just to let you feel na hindi ako drawing or pasikat lang sa chat. It took us five days to finally decide kung kelan tayo magkikita.

Yeah, hesitant ako that day. Nadala ako sa itsura mo so I was able to easily convince myself just to be there. Come the night of our meeting, I saw you waiting patiently sa couch as I drew myself closer to you. You were shocked na narecognize kita and I saw in your face that you are kinda uncertain kung ako nga ba talaga ang ka meet mo. I reached your hand and introduced myself, you did the same thing. I invited you to sit outside upon ordering two grandes, you refused pero wala kang magagawa I do smoke so I have to stay outside until I finished sipping my business.

We had flirty conversations that night and you even asked me to do other business since you’re in the mood but I rejected the offer, di dahil sa ayaw ko but I also have priorities and commitments waiting for me after ours. Nadismaya ka, ganun din ako. We bid each other goodbye with you saying “di bale there’s always next time…” and I took my way home.

And this is the bullshit part, naiinis ako dahil nageexpect ako na magtetext ka after that night. Saturday, Sunday and Monday all passed by pero ni isang text wala akong nareceive. At eto na naman ako, took the initiative just to know kung anu na nangyari sayo and then the rest are just a part of insignificant talks.

Tama ako na hindi muna mag-give in sa gusto mo that night, though it would be a night of pleasure. I felt lucky coz tight ang schedule ko that day, it led me to restrain myself from such.
And now I realized, I found someone na hindi matino kausap… Contacts and even that one-night-episode were all obliterated in my memory.